Friday, November 25, 2005

Brownie Goes Consulting

So here I am, the day after Thanksgiving, exhausted and visibly gaining weight, the soul of sluggishness, unable to respond to the large number of people in my house with much of anything other than a noncommittal grunt. And I haven't blogged since Tuesday.

But ah, as I slumped in the living room wondering if I had the energy to watch a football game, easy inspiration arose on CNN: Michael Brown's announcement of his new "disaster preparendness" consulting firm. The idea, it appears, is that having made every mistake in the book in dealing with Hurricane Katrina, Brownie is just the guy to tell companies what kind of mistakes they should look out for in dealing with natural disasters.

After pocketing a "Political Turkey of the Year" designation by CNN's Bill Schneider, ol' Brownie seems determined to win some sort of Profiles in Chutzpah award. This goes well beyond such obvious analogies as Elizabeth Taylor becoming a marriage counselor, Terrell Owens holding seminars on "teamwork," or Ozzie Osbourne starting a new "straight edge" anti-drug band. After all, Brownie's accomplishment was to turn disaster response and relief into almost as big a disaster as the disaster he was "responding" to. And he did that with resources his potential clients are not likely to have, such as a multi-billion dollar budget, an entire federal agency, and the ear of the President of the United States.

So what is Brown going to tell the corporate CEOs who are allegedly expressing interest in his services? Perhaps: "If you have no clue what you're doing, be sure to hire some people who do." Maybe: "Don't let George Bush give you a nickname on national television." Or finally: "Pick one person to shift blame to, and stick to your story."

The only thing I can think of that rivals Brownie's self-salvage project is one once undertaken by William Calley, the guy who admitted ordering the cold-blooded murder of dozens of women and children at a hamlet named My Lai in Vietnam. In 1978, some television network aired a ten-year retrospective on the various convulsions that struck America in 1968, and the sections on Vietnam were narrated by Calley, who posed as some sort of anti-war martyr.

At least he waited ten years.
-- Posted at 12:53 AM | Link to this post | Email this post

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